Illegal Jacks - simple, cheap, messy and tasty

This is a quick one, promise.

Illegal Jacks is a casual tex mex joint on bustling Lothian Road. I'd been past there a couple of times and thought, "this place could either be really terrible, or really awesome."

Well, it's probably not really either of these, but it is pretty good value and not necessarily unhealthy (well, nachos are never really going to be good for you).

Illegal Jacks has a surprisingly small menu, like it dedicates itself to doing a few things simply and well. You can grab burritos, fajitas, tacos, nachos, chili con carne and salads.

Let's start with the burritos. They're huge. HUGE. They're loaded with your pick of rice, beans, beef, chicken, guacamole, sour cream and Monterey Jack cheese, mild, medium or roasted salsa, wrapped up in one big fat tortilla log and handed to you.

Next, the fajitas. These I love because they have the characteristically smoky flavour that fajitas should have. Again, a good amount of food. You fill your own tortillas.

A low point of Illegal Jacks for me is that too often they've been playing Matchbox 20, and quite loud (dare I sound like a granny). Of course, if you love your classic rock, then you'll be in Heaven.

Another is that although I find the chili con carne rather tasty and nicely spiced, it has a saltiness which, to me, gets in the way a bit. This hasn't stopped me from ordering the chili beef nachos several times, or the chili rice bowl. A big spoonful of guacamole helps, but if you suffer from heartburn, don't eat it as quickly as I always do.

The high points are that it's great value, IF you have the appetite for such a large serving. As well as that, everything's fresh and prepared on premises (no, really). They have three kinds of homemade salsa, lovely fresh and zesty guacamole and they don't slop all this on your food. You control the amount because you're either standing in front of them as they make it or, depending on what you order, it comes with little bowls full of the stuff.
 
Despite the little bowls though, it's really hard to eat in a tidy fashion here. That's no criticism of Jack's, but probably this style of food in general. I'm not great at this at the best of times, but I got lots of snickering from some young blokes who seemed to get enjoyment out of me getting meaty juices down my arm, and salsa slopped on my nose.

I also like that Jack's is nice and relaxed, with simple and clean designs - wooden stalls/benches not unlike Wagamama (without the communal part). It's always clean, and that somehow makes you feel less feral than you might otherwise feel eating this style of food, or at least until you mess up the place by eating your food the way I do.

Oh, the other thing. NO fries on the menu. This doesn't happen often in Edinburgh eateries. I've seen Thai restaurants offering fries on the menu, AND I've seen people order pasta with a side of chips, and I've seen people put butter and cheese on chips. To not offer fries is a bold move. I high-five Illegal Jacks for this.